Wednesday, January 31, 2007

The True Athlete of the Week

No one named you Lord of the Blog, Human Hyperbole. A washed-up superstar who has never seen the second round and plays for an irrelevant middle tier Western Conference team isn't this Committee's Athlete of the Week! We only honor champions.

The Playmaker, Making Plays

No description is necessary: a hilarious story of the Pleamaker living it up in Miami.

Urinating With K

Loyal Blog reader and Dude Committee favorite Anya Sostek submits for the Blog this writer's account of urinating with Mike Krzyzewski. As is per custom, whenever Sostek submits something for consideration, it is posted without delay.

Yao & Elvis

I'd be hard pressed to think of a headline that could get dudes more excited, save anything along the lines of "Yao, Dirk, Brady & Emmitt at the Final Table of the WSOP in Vegas!!"

But yet, this headline actually has a story behind it. Yao, doing Elvis...

Drop it like it's hot!

Athlete of the Week: T-Mac to the Rack!!

After tabulating all the votes for humans, it's an unananimous decision to award this week's honors to T-Mac. Since the injury to Dude Committee favorite Yao Ming, the Houston Rockets have rode T-Mac down the season's backstretch while jockeying for position with San Antonio... And last week, T-Mac came up big and averaged nearly 30 points a game despite sitting out the entire fourth quarter in the week's two blowouts against the Association's bottom-feeding teams, who are now apparently tripping over themselves to get to Greg Oden/Kevin Durant/Not Josh McRoberts.

For his efforts, T-Mac is this week's Dude Committee "Who's Gonna Ride Your Wild Horses" Athlete of the Week.

Tuesday, January 30, 2007

Athlete of the Week Candidates

Dudes, it was a bit tougher collecting the candidates this week, as my ESPN front page appeared to be dominated by horse news. But, before we euthanize this past week, let's trot out the entries to the gate:

1) Big Bad Bales: in 2 wins, Allison averaged 16 points, 10 boards and 5 blocks against FSU and VaTech to help her team hang on to the No. 1 ranking.

2) Dirk: The Big German averaged 31 points and 10.3 rebounds in leading the Mavs to a 2-1 week.

3) T-Mac: In leading his team to a 3-0 week, including a road win at San Antonio, the oft-injured megastar scored 29.7 points per game while shooting at an absurd 33-of-54 clip from the floor.

4) The Dreidel: The Dreidel didn't do much this week, except for rifling a picture-perfect pass to Dave McClure for the game winning lay-up at the buzzer to secure a home win against Clemson.

As usual, those who care can vote, my vote goes to Tracy McGrady

Monday, January 29, 2007

Gatorade, Powerade, Rudy! Rudy!

Speaking of Notre Dame football, I'd like to direct the dudes' attention to a product that a friend of mine discovered. You remember Daniel "Rudy" Ruettiger - everyone's favorite 120 pound tackling dummy. Apparently, roughly a decade and a half after the movie that made him famous, "Rudy" has decided to enter the sports drink industry with his products branded, "Rudy! Rudy!" Sadly, I kid you not. Feel free to navigate on over to his site, and buy a sample pack if you so desire. My only question is "Rudy! Rudy!" said in slow-clap, dramatic sideline crescendo fashion? or in an excited 9 year-old who realizes he's about to taste a drink named after a Notre Dame walkon fashion?

Sunday, January 28, 2007

A Traitor in our Midst?

As I was researching Duke Football and getting ready for the upcoming season, I happened upon a few anti-Duke websites. I came upon this one, which was a rather feeble attempt to bring down my spirits. But then I noticed that one of the posters had a familiar name. A certain "BK" claimed that even Duke fans mock Duke football. Is this the same BK we let post on our site? Is this the same BK whose blog we frequent? Gentlemen, I live my life by a simple creed: Back Duke or Back Off.

I believe Brian Kane has backed off.

His punishment must be swift and painful. He also is not allowed to join us Jan 1, 2009 at the Bowl Game of Roof's choice. I am sorry to bring this to your attention, but I cannot sit by and watch this worm weasel his way into our lives. Brian, please tell me there's another BK out there in this big world...

Friday, January 26, 2007

Agent Zero or Duke?? Debate Settled!!

To answer the age-old question of "How would Agent Zero and four scrubs fare against Duke?" I've simulated the game. Unfortunately, I don't have the play by play, and the box score can't be presented in a format any more readable than this. But for your reading enjoyment, here is the Box Score in my simulated game between Agent Zero & Scrubs against Duke, which was won, predictably, on an Agent Zero bomb at the buzzer!!

Paulus, Greg6-125-94-504124021
Scheyer, Jon15-2510-204-55523344
Nelson, DeMarcus15-205-1010-1510634245
Thomas, Lance4-50-00-01203058
McRoberts, Josh8-141-43-51811351220

Arenas, Gilbert30-5020-3516-2020584296
Tylwalk, Nick5-100-06-821250016
Israel, Joel5-205-200-02000015
Morgan, Neal0-00-00-0944000
Zhao, Victor4-84-80-00260012
Agent Zero44-8829-6322-2833232342139

Here's the Problem I Still Have with Arenas

So Arenas' comment is only gaining more attention, along with the additional statement that he'd sit out an NBA season to play against Duke. The latter of which reminded me that, you know what, he did sit out an NBA season to play against Duke -- it was called his freshman year at Arizona. And you know what happened? In the biggest game of his career, he shot 4-of-17 and scored 10 points, and his team lost a national championship. Ironic?

Journey Legend Still Clutch

Thanks to loyal blog reader Anya Sostek for this tip. This Washington Post article from yesterday details the recent battles of Journey legend Kira Orr with a rare blood disease that nearly took her life. As any fan of the Journey should know, never count out Kira when everything is on the line.

Things I Don't Understand, Pt. I

Kane's blog is one of my favorite things we link to from here, even though it seems like he may have too much free time. I noticed though, that some of his posts are singular (I) and others are plural (we). Does Kane have a team of posters to help him, like some kind of Bizarro Dude Committee? Or does he simply have a weird multiple personality thing going, like when I was The Franchise, Senior Dude and Nick T all at once on this very blog?

I'm guessing Weitao, Mr. "I don't have enough time to be on the internet," knows the answer. Or, BK, if you'd like to make another guest appearance on here to clear up my confusion, that would work too.

Thursday, January 25, 2007

Jew You Believe in Magic!!!!

David McClure (left) scored the winning layup off a phenomenal 30 foot laser of a pass from Tribe member Jon Scheyer to seal an gutsy win against Clemson at home tonight.

Mazel Tov!!

Un-Athlete of the Week (tie): Chicago Bears Fans & The Hooded Sweatshirt

After some competitive voting, here are this week's honorees for Un-Athletes of the Week

1) The Chicago Bears: Keith Olbermann and Deadspin pointed out this sign that some jackass brought to Soldier Field last Sunday. That sign deserves hardly any comment, but needless to say, I will be rooting hard for the Colts in a week and a half.

1) The Hooded Sweatshirt: First, way to stay classy with Eric Mangini; and second, way to preserve that classy reputation with Peyton Manning. In a few weeks, the Hooded Sweatshirt has gone from a much revered football genius to an unapologetic curmudgeon. For more on the Hooded Sweatshirt, and the travails of Committee favorite Brian Kane coaching girls basketball, click here.

Finally, a word on former Athlete of the Week Agent Zero. Despite Izzy's protestations, Agent Zero is fricking awesome; I love that guy. Read the section of his Wikipedia entry on "Gilbertology", if you don't like him after that; well, you might not be a dude after all.

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Who is this week's unathlete(s) of the Week?

With the attention of the dudes focused squarely on the SOTU last night, we almost glossed over a now-weekly tradition of honoring either the athlete or unathlete of the week (alternating). This week, here are your candidates for the Unathlete(s) of the week.
(1) Chicago Bears: For ruining America's Fairy Tale
(2) The (Modified) Sweatshirt: For losing the AFC Championship Game, and then blowing off Peyton Manning thereafter
(3) The NHL: For using behind-the-scenes hijinx to prevent Rory Fitzpatrick from appearing in his first All-Star Game

(For some reason, the comment count isn't working right now, but I imagine Blogger will fix it soon). But in any case, my vote goes to the Bears.

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

LiveBlog 5: 2007 State of the Union

When our President speaks, you better listen! If not, god will be displeased.

Monday, January 22, 2007

Vol In Tears: One More Time!!

It was nowhere near as dramatic as the stunner in Greensboro; and indeed, a win over Tennessee has almost a par for the course feel to it; which shows just how far the Journey has come. Thanks to the constant leadership of Lindsey Harding, some Redick-esque three pointers from Abby Waner, and some timely second-half buckets from Wanisha Smith, the Journey blitzed out to a 19-0 lead and held on for a 74-70 win. Journey on!!

Undude's Greatest Moments

In an effort to lift up the Undude's spirits the morning after the Pats' loss, the Dude Committee Blog proudly looks back on one of the most memorable sports stories published during the Undude era at the Chronicle. This story is particular apt material today, as the football world stands on the brink of witnessing, for the very first time, 2 black head coaches facing off against one another on the sport's grandest stage - the Super Bowl. However, before there was a Lovie Smith or a Tony Dungy, there were several black college coaches blazing a trail for success in virtual anonimity. But there was someone there who felt obligated to shine a light on their toils - that someone was one young Neal Morgan. The industrious New Englander, who was then the Sports Editor of the Chronicle, sent his best reporter to spread the story of black head coaches, and the result was the journalistic masterpiece that you will read here. Thanks to Neal Morgan, both Lovie Smith and Tony Dungy stand one victory away from hoisting the sports world's ultimate prize - the Vince Lombardi Trophy.

Sunday, January 21, 2007


While Neal's cell phone stopped functioning late in the 4th quarter (oh, around the 15 second mark), Mr. All-American was busy . . . performing his best impressions of Drew Bledsoe (in throwing picks) and Tony Romo (choking in critical situations).

Saturday, January 20, 2007

A Change of Discussion

In an effort to broaden the horizons of the Dude Blog, I am now changing the topic from mildly amusing Dallas insults by the Hyperbole to great literature. Next semester, which begins in three days, I will be teaching American Lit to a class with a wide range of abilities. I have never taught this class and have not decided what to read with them. So I ask the dudes, what short stories and/or short books did you enjoy in your youth that might make for some engaging lessons? And I promise once we finish this brief discussion we can go back to the ongoing Mavs-Rockets duel. Also, because the Mavs are clearly superior to the Rockets, I use the term duel loosely.

Friday, January 19, 2007

Not one of the Chronicle's great sportswriters...

...but good enough to become an employee of a division of the New York Times, writing about something related to sports. I get paid by the page view, so even if you don't give a crap about sports cards, if you ever want me to be the one to loan money on future DudeManias in Vegas, click early and often!

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

The Human Hyperbole

Aka, my new name for the Dude. He reminds me of Francis Townsend, the current spokeswoman for Homeland Security, who declared last month: "We're winning the war in Iraq." When pressed how she knew that, she said: "Because I know we're going to be winning the war in the future." In other words, I can apparently say Neal's President of the United States, because I know he's going to be President in the future. It's a fantastic and fun ability to turn a phrase that I think she shares with the Human Hyperbole and his "upset" nonsense. Compare the statements of the Human Hyperbole with the statements of someone who might know a little more:

"It's pretty frustrating to lose when you play well like that," McGrady said. "They're a great team, we knew that. That's why I attacked early. But it wasn't enough. We still have a ways to go before we catch up to this team."

You can make fun of Devean George all you want, but he embodies why the Mavs are the best team in the league right now -- their 8th or 9th man has the ability to turn a game around on both offense and defense. Somehow I don't see Chuck Hayes or John Lucas doing the same.

Congratulations Dallas

I would be remiss if I did not congratulate Joel and his beloved Mavericks on their upset over Houston last night. I must admit that heading into the game, I was worried that it might pose the classic trap or look ahead game for Houston, as the Rockets must have been looking forward to their showdown against the Phoenix Suns - the other member of the 2 team Western Conference Elite club along with the Rockets - tonight. Alas, I was right.

Despite grabbing a 13 point lead midway through the 3rd quarter, the Rockets fell victim to the long distance bombing of Devean George, who looked like he stopped at every single Krispy Kreme on his way to Dallas from Los Angeles.

Congratulations Joel, on your team's 10 point win at home against a team playing without its MVP and its top bench player who averaged 25 points and 13 boards in the playoffs last season.

Dude Committee's Athlete of the Week

Lindsey Harding - an unstoppable force in the Journey's 20 point thrashing of Maryland, a rematch of last year's National Championship game.

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

A Move Obviously Designed to Help the Rangers Win the Silver Boot

A sign of desperation?? But alas, having employed Rat-fael Palme-riod during his prime roiding years, the Rangers are certainly no strangers to dealing with pharmaceutical "issues" on the team.

As if Anyone Needed More Reasons to Hate Tom Brady

We have news of the following.

Don't Tell Mama, I'm for Obama

Welcome to the race -- you'll be receiving $500 from Weitao in mid-May.

Dude Committee's Athlete of the Week

I'll present some candidates, and let the Dudes decide...

(1) Lindsey Harding: The Journey's lightning-quick point guard scored a career high 28 points in leading her team past the former No. 1 and defending National Champion Maryland. Most importantly, Harding constantly pushed the tempo, took her defender off the dribble at will and spearheaded Duke's ferocious interior double teams. In sum, she was the heart of a team that took apart the top-ranked team in the country, and exacted a small bit of revenge for last year's heartbreak in the finals.

(2) The Sweatshirt: The Sweatshirt proved his genius once again in leading his team over the heavily favored San Diego chargers on the road. Indeed, the Sweatshirt's mental sixth-sense rays made Chargers defenders try to intercept, rather than simply knock down, desperation fourth down passes and was instrumental in allowing his team to pull off the improbable win on the road.

(3) The Jet: The Jet averaged 25 a game in the week's 1st two games, but saved his best for last. The Jet hit some crucial 3s to keep the Mavericks in the game early against the Raptors, and then found Josh Howard wide open under the basket for the game winner at the buzzer.

(4) Your Daddy: Your Daddy scored 12 points in the 4th quarter against fellow Committee favorite Denver to orchestrate a miraculous come-from-behind win for the Rockets on Friday night, and then came back the following night to draw the game winning charge from Corliss Williamson to preserve a win over the Kings in overtime. And all Battier has to show for it, as of the present, is a gash across the top of his head that required 9 stitches.

Those are your candidates, my vote goes to Harding

Saturday, January 13, 2007

LiveBlog4: Duke v. Maryland

Duke's best shot for a basketball title faces one of its stiffest challengers in front of a packed house in Cameron. LiveBlog worthy?? No doubt!!

Who's your daddy? Battier?

I'm surprised Weitao missed a chance to razz me about this, but maybe it's because the Nuggets are not a Texas team that they are excluded from discussion on this blog.

Anyway, somehow the Nuggets lost to the Rockets tonight behind 25 points from Shane Battier. Obviously I'm conflicted about this, as Battier is one of my favorite Dukies of all time, but allowing him to acore 12 in the fourth quarter is pretty embarrassing. Even more embarrassing than the Rockets allowing new Nugget Steve Blake to score 13 in the second half... though not by much.

Friday, January 12, 2007

Loss of Quality Programming

I'm sad to report that ESPN has cancelled "Quite Frankly" with Stephen A. Smith. Where will I go to find quality programming now???

ESPN should take a lesson from this; do less with talking heads (especially horrible ones that confuse volume with substance), do more with shows like "the season" and take us behind the scenes of different teams/athletes.

Thursday, January 11, 2007

DudeMania 2008: Site Chosen

Denver, Colorado


I never would've suspected...

WASHINGTON (Reuters) -- Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice let slip her news media preferences Thursday, saying, "I love every single one" of Fox News network's correspondents and also favors CBS anchor Harry Smith.
In comments overheard on an open microphone between morning television interviews, including one with Fox, the top U.S. diplomat said: "My Fox guys, I love every single one of them."
But Rice told an aide that when she was next in Iraq she would like to do a "one-on-one" interview with CBS "The Early Show" anchor Harry Smith.
"He's a decent guy. I know they are, like, 55 in the ratings, but I like him," Rice said in comments monitored by Reuters on a television feed.

Tuesday, January 09, 2007

Rare Dude Artifact

Well, in an effort to steer this blog away from high-stakes gambling, I want to tell you about a special iten I received in the mail Friday afternoon. The return address was from Dude Legend Jon Huntley, and when I opened it up, I saw an original letter-to-the-editor from his days at The Chronic (not the newspaper clip, but the actual letter). From February 1999, it was an endorsement letter from the women's hoops team promoting some DSG candidate. Stapled to the letter was a sheet with 14 autographs; yes, I am now in possession of autographs of the original Journey that brought us all together. Hilary Howard, Nicole Erickson, Michele VanGorp, Jenn Forte, Janee Hayes... they're all here! If ever the dudes have a museum, I think this is the first item to go under six-inch-thick bullet-proof glass.

Oh, and since I was out of town during the Romo fiasco, I just want to say I hope this puts to rest all Brady-Romo comparisons. When Brady fumbled in his first big playoff game, he had the decency to do so in a fashion that would allow the play to be overturned due to an obscure rule no one had ever heard of. Romo, meanwhile, is a pathetic impostor. Phillip Rivers, you're next!

Unathlete of the Week: Greg Paulus

The votes are in: Dude Committee's Unathlete of the Week is Greg Paulus, who turned in a stellar 0-3, 1 reb., 1 ast, 6 TO, 2 PF outing in Duke's loss against Virginia Tech this past weekend.

For the season, Paulus is now averaging 3.5 assists and 3.2 TOs a game in 27.8 minutes a game.

For comparison purposes to Duke PGs of the recent past in their respective sophomore seasons:

Steve Wojciechowski: 2.7 asts and 1.2 TOs in 21.8 minutes a game.
Will Avery: 5.1 asts and 2.6 TOs in 31.0 minutes a game.
Chris Duhon: 5.9 asts and 2.6 TOs in 35.1 minutes a game.
Jason Williams: 6.1 asts and 3.9 TOs in 31.8 minutes a game.

Which means that for a PG who is, essentially, the team's 4th or 5th option for scoring when he's on the floor (as opposed to, say, everyone except Wojo above), Paulus is doing a historically poor job of handling and distributing the ball, and avoiding turnovers.

I also hate the DBR, who wrote an "Our Call" about the need to support Greg Paulus and remember that, for a 19 year-old, he's doing unbelievable things already.

You know what? That's just a bunch of horse manure. Paulus is born with an ample amount of athletic talent, moxie and a work ethic; he chose to take on one of the most pressure cooker positions in college basketball. There is nothing wrong with criticizing his play when his talent suggests that he is underperforming. For a kid who came in billed as potentially a Bobby Hurley type player, I'll be happy if he turns into a Wojo who actually plays defense.

Monday, January 08, 2007

Dude Committee Un-Athlete of the Week

There's some controversy surrounding who should be crowned the Dude Committee's Unathlete of the Week. I'll present the candidates below, and Dudes, feel free to vote

(1) Tony Romo: For showing that regardless of how you feel toward the bona fides of his Pro Bowl selection, he certainly did not make the Pro Bowl for his holding prowess

(2) Greg Paulus: For showing that, yes, it is possible to be a worse starting point guard than Steve Wojciechowski. This guy just looks absolutely clueless against quality physical competition

(3) Nick Tylwalk: For his expectations that the Dudes believe that a job change entirely prevents a Dude from logging on to the Internet for about a month

You Can't Stop Trenton

Or at least McGrady and the Rockets can't. He almost singlehandedly outscores Houston's bench (declared by Weitao as the deepest in the NBA) in a disappointing loss. Looks like 2 in a row coming up tonight!

Sunday, January 07, 2007

Bad Weekend Gets Worse!!!

Dirk looks on helplessly as the Mavericks' streak ends against a Lamar Odom-less Los Angeles Lakers

Saturday, January 06, 2007


Super Bowl Wins:
Dallas 5*
Houston 0**

Super Bowl Appearances
Dallas 8***
Houston 0****

* = Tied for first
** = Tied for last
*** = First place
**** = Tied for last

Oops!! I Fumbled it Again!!

Hunting and fishing season is underway in Valley Ranch!!!

Miles Austin!

I'm not exactly sure who that guy is, but he just returned the first kickoff TD in the Cowboys long and storied playoff history, so he's alright by me!

By the way, I apologize for my lengthy absence from the blog, but I was busy reinventing myself for 2007, a.k.a. getting a new job. Stay tuned...

Challenge Accepted!!

The Bet: Which team advances farther in the NBA Playoffs: Mavs or Rockets

Cancellation Conditions (Bet automatically voided when):
Any of Dirk Nowitzki, Josh Howard, Yao Ming or Tracy McGrady fails to start the 1st game of the Playoffs for health reasons

Victor's Option to Cancel: If the Rockets meet the Suns in any round of the playoffs

The Stake: Loser pays $500 to Barack Obama's campaign; $500 to winner

Weitao, We're Waiting For Your Answer

Thursday, January 04, 2007


It's almost becoming routine.

A Competing LiveBlog??

This one features "Drew Bledsoe" checking in live from the sidelines (if the Tuna does not demote Tony Romo before then) during the Cowboys game this Saturday... This is an event that should be worth checking out... A note to the Dudes (really, just Joel), I will be Tivoing this game, please don't call me to gloat or commiserate until the next day.

Monday, January 01, 2007

Dude Hall of Fame Inductee: John Hudek

When someone mentions the Houston Astros of the 1990s, people generally think of 2 names: Jeff Bagwell and Craig Biggio. But not Head Dude. Say the Astros to him, and he'll immediately think: Scott Hudek. Or more accurately John Hudek.

One could only wonder how Hudek became an object of fascination for Head Dude. But nevertheless he did. Perhaps it was because the mid 90s Texas Rangers were forced to turn their late game leads over to closing "stalwarts" Jeff Russell and Mike Henneman. Perhaps he casted a jealous glance at Hudek's stellar 1994 rookie season, when he began the season in the minors but capped it off with an All-Star Game appearance and a second place finish in the Rookie of the Year balloting.

The last laugh is definitely on Head Dude, however, as not only has Hudek earned a selection into the Dude Committee Hall of Fame on the strength of his providing ammunition to endless hours of the Astros-Rangers debate, but he has also started his own baseball camp down here in the Houston suburbs. Perhaps in Houston, circa 2020, during DudeMania XXXIV, the Dudes: Next Generation can frolic on the fields, under the watchful eye of Dude Committee Hall of Fame Inductee: John Hudek.