Commander Weitao says it's time to get going on this, and truthfully, the first mock is my favorite one to do because it's guaranteed to change in a few days! Before I proceed with the picks, I have to say that I'm disappointed about the lack of fun at the top of this draft. Normally, the stage would be set for high comedy, because the guy running the draft for the Lions (Matt Millen) and the guy pulling the strings on the draft for the Raiders (Al Davis) are both borderline insane. But since Calvin Johnson is the best player in this draft, their insane tendencies will accidentally correspond with taking the best available player. And that's no fun. What the Texans did last year, now that was fun.
Without further ado...
1. Oakland - JaMarcus Russell, QB, LSU
Apparently some folks think he's the next Vince Young. Davis wishes. If they do take Johnson, one wonders who they plan on using to throw him the ball. And if you're thinking, "Aaron Brooks throws a pretty good deep ball," I'm already laughing at you.
2. Detroit - Joe Thomas, OT, Wisconsin
Everyone, and I mean everyone has the Lions taking Thomas. But if you're Millen, and you already know you aren't getting fired for incompetence, why start making safe picks now?
3/4. Cleveland - Adrian Peterson, RB, Oklahoma
Peterson has an NFL game as long as he doesn't hurt himself again diving in for touchdowns. The Browns are the first team to kid themselves by thinking they don't need Brady Quinn. Have fun with Charlie Frye and Derek Anderson!
3/4. Tampa Bay - Calvin Johnson, WR, Georgia Tech
I'm guessing Johnson will find Chris Simms a much better passer than Reggie Ball, not that it's anything to brag about. Chucky will be pleased to have another playmaker.
5. Arizona - Gaines Adams, DE, Clemson
6. Washington - Jamaal Anderson, DE Arkansas
No one thinks Adams will fall further than these two teams, who both need d-line help. Michigan DT Alan Branch could sneak in here and mess this up - check back after the Combine.
7. Minnesota - Ted Ginn Jr., WR, Ohio State
Ginn is the first beneficiary of the "Devin Hester Effect," which bumps guys up the draft board thanks to their special teams value. The Vikings seem hellbent on going with Tarvaris Jackson at QB, so Ginn may actually score more returning kicks. And did you know he'd rather play cornerback?
8. Houston - Levi Brown, OT, Penn State
The third team that shpuld really think about Quinn unless he stinks it up at the Combine. Sure, getting Brown will allow David Carr or [insert your favorite backup QB here] to stay upright, but so what? I guess Domanick "I used to be Davis" Williams is the reason they don't think harder about Marshawn Lynch.
9. Miami - Brady Quinn, QB, Notre Dame
I've seen some scouts think that the closest comparison for Quinn already in the NFL is... Joey Harrington! So this is perfect, really. Daunte Culpepper, we hardly knew ye.
10. Atlanta - LaRon Landry, S, LSU
One of the top two needs for the Falcons, the other being someone to break Arthur Blank's man-crush on Michael Vick.
11. San Francisco - Amobi Okoye, DT, Louisville
A lot of people like a wide receiver here; maybe if Dwayne Jarrett runs faster than everyone thinks he will. I'm rolling the dice on Louisville's teenage d-line prodigy.
12. Buffalo - Alan Branch, DT, Michigan
Another tough pick to predict, as I don't think I've seen two people whose opinions I respect agree here. I just think Branch will be too good to pass on if he's still around.
13. St. Louis - Charles Johnson, DE, Georgia
If this doesn't help shore up the pass rush, maybe the Rams can use Steven Jackson as a rush end. That guy's a beast.
14. Carolina - Dwayne Bowe, WR, LSU
Here's a young man whose stock is on the rise, and all it took was some surgery so he could actually, you know, see the ball. Keyshawn is making noises about retiring too.
15. Pittsburgh - Leon Hall, CB, Michigan
This could easily be a DE/OLB instead, but it seems like Pittsburgh's been looking for CB help forever.
16. Green Bay - Marshawn Lynch, RB, Cal
Lynch seems like a younger Ahman Green, which might make Brett Favre decide not to retire again. Sorry Aaron Rodgers.
17. Jacksonville - Jarvis Moss, DE, Florida
Mel Kiper likes Sidney Rice here, possibly to add to the Jags' already impressive collection of "Will they ever pan out?" receivers. I'm guessing they'll go a different direction.
18. Cincinnati - Darrelle Revis, CB, Pitt
Another "Hester Effect" beneficiary, with the added bonus that he actually looks like he might be a good corner. Ah, but does he know how to avoid the police blotter?
19. Tennessee - Robert Meachem, WR, Tennessee
The Titans stay in-state and send Rice and Jarrett further down the board.
20. New York Giants - Reggie Nelson, DB, Florida
The G-Men really could use help in a lot of places, but this pick will fill a need and break the hearts of the Cowboys, who really could use Nelson.
21. Denver - Adam Carriker, DE, Nebraska
There isn't a running back worth taking here, though the death of Darrent Williams could have them considering a corner.
22. Dallas - Brandon Meriweather, S, Miami
Hey, wasn't he involved in some incident last year or something? I can't seem to recall...
23. Kansas City - Sidney Rice, WR, South Carolina
Now here's a team that needs a project wide receiver to join the rich heritage of Sylvester Morris and Snoop Minnis. Make it so!
24. New England - Daymeion Hughes, CB, Cal
It never hurts to have more corners for the inevitable face-off with Peyton Manning and company.
25. New York Jets - Zach Miller, TE, Arizona St.
Watch closely to see if Miller or Miami's Greg Olsen comes out of workouts with more momentum.
26. Philadelphia - Paul Posluszny, LB, Penn St.
Contingent on Paul P. checking out healthy and Philly not getting enthralled with a workout warrior type. I think they still remember Mike Mamula there.
27. New Orleans - Lawrence Timmons, LB, Florida St.
A real need area for America's Team - The Next Generation. They did it with mirrors at LB last season.
28. New England - Anthony Spencer, DE, Purdue
Tom Brady desperately needs non-Florida wideouts to throw to, but the Pats' usually stout front seven also needs help at OLB. Maybe Brady's lovechild will grow up to be a receiver.
29. Baltimore - Ben Grubbs, G, Auburn
Not a sexy pick, but important to try to get Steve McNair through another season in one piece.
30. San Diego - Dwayne Jarrett, WR, USC
Maybe if he goes this low he'll work extra hard to avoid becoming the next Mike Williams.
31. Chicago - Patrick Willis, LB, Ole Miss
Because if you didn't notice, the Bears D was pretty much living off their rep by the time they got to the Super Bowl.
32. Indianapolis - Justin Harrell, DT, Tennessee
Will he get to star in commercials alongside Peyton if he helps stop the run?