Tuesday, March 20, 2007

Pro Wrestlers Taking Steroids! And More Pulitzer-Quality Stuff From Sports Illustrated...

{Note: This blog post is presented to DudeSpin readers in full High Definition Sarcasm. If your computer is not properly equipped to handle HD Sarcasm, this post may agitate pets, wilt office plants and confuse your less intelligent co-workers.}

I don't read Sports Illustrated too often any more, partially because I was turned off by their TV commercials that celebrated the Florida Gators winning the last national championships in basketball and football. No thanks, I don't want any free stuff to commemorate those victories. I'm actually actively trying to forget them.

Now I'm glad I don't check out SI's website either, because a story that has popped up there over the past few days has rocked by world. Apparently, pro wrestlers are taking steroids and HGH.

If I know the DudeSpin contributors and readers as well as I think I do, you're no doubt as shocked as I am at this revelation. I know you, as I did, just assumed that performers who put on 300 or so shows a year and have very little time for proper workout and recovery routines were just magically able to keep physiques similar to Greek gods through all natural means.

Certainly, your unwavering faith that Vince McMahon, that paragon of virtue, would run a completely clean ship is forever shaken. Like me, you'll probably never be able to look at the WWE the same way again.

What's next? A report that wrestling matches are fixed? I may have to rethink my ban of SI, because it's continuing coverage of pro wrestling is sure to be dynamite. I'm not even going to ask readers of the magazine if it has a regular pro wrestling section, because I know it must.

I mean, Sports Illustrated would never report on something it doesn't usually consider a sport just for a juicy sensationalist article, right?


Head Dude said...

Again, as with our debate as to how you'd gamble your money at Vegas, I think Franchise and I agree, and the Dude being an SI fan would disagree, but to me what has diminished my interest in SI the most is the internet. I just get so much sports online, that honestly when I want to read a magazine, it's usually Newsweek. I remember SI's little two-page notebook on each major sport used to provide interesting rumors, but now thanks to the Dude's insider subscription, we get it every day.

And, er, I'd agree that the wrestling article is probably wasted space. Pinning down Bonds before he breaks the record seems much more pressing.

The Franchise said...

As much as I dislike Bonds, I'm not even sure that trying to make steroid charges against him stick is really a big deal. The anti-steroid outrage is a big cause for the sports media, not joe average sports fan. I don't have statistical data to back this up, but my impression is that most fans don't really care if the athletes they watch are on performance-enhancing drugs or not. That's almost certainly the case with football, though I'll admit that baseball fans seem to care a bit more because they tend to be purists and records are such a big part of the game.

Head Dude said...

Yeah, I care much more about baseball records and the impact of steroids then whether offensive lineman are doped up. Plus I think Bonds exacerbates it since he's the polar opposite of Aaron in terms of personality.

Grizzly said...

There is no way that Test ever used steroids. All that back acne occurred naturally, from laying on sweaty benches while lifting weights.


And what did you mean by "fixed"?

The Franchise said...

Obviously, Grizzly, you failed to adjust your computer for HD Sarcasm despite the warning!

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